Thursday, February 7, 2013

Annoying Habits of Duelists

Roll 1D20 -

1. Repeats, "You killed my father! Prepare to die!" even though you've never met his father.

2. Insists on a small glass of claret between every pass.

3. Arrives without a sword; asks to borrow yours.

4. Whistles the same two bars of a song over and over again.

5. Repeatedly calls a halt to adjust her ill-fitting mask.

6. Reeks likes the bilge-water in a fishing boat, bringing tears to your eyes.

7. Throws whatever's at hand at you: seat cushions, sticks, silverware, small rocks, pieces of bread, &c.

8. Refuses to cross blades until a priest is present to provide the sacrament of extreme unction.

9. Shrill incessant laughter.

10. Demands that wine corks be placed on the tips of the blades.

11. Offers to flip a coin instead.

12. Refuses to acknowledge touches, even while bleeding profusely from multiple wounds: "That's a wine stain! Have at you!"

13. Brings a pistol to a sword fight.

14. Sneezes and coughs on you throughout the duel; will refuse any delay, insisting that he's getting better.

15. Attempts witty repartee, manages only schoolyard taunts.

16. Stops every few passes to change swords from a long leather bag and confer with his second on tactics.

17. Insists on a postponement: the ground is too soft, the sun is too low, the air is too damp, &c.

18. Interrupted by a stream of messengers with papers to sign, questions to answer, &c: "Sorry, this will only take a moment . . ."

19. Attempts to slash his initials into your clothing, succeeds only in tearing up your coat and vest.

20. Roll twice - this one's really annoying.

15 comments:

  1. I'm definitely using this table.

    Also,

    Refuses to acknowledge touches, even while bleeding profusely from multiple wounds: "That's a wine stain! Have at you!"

    Super great.


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  2. Très amusant Mike. I think I can actually use some of these in play.

    And #8 wouldn't be a problem for half of our PCs. One PC is very devout, he has refused to duel on Sunday and will often say a prayer for those he kills or wounds badly and the other _is_ a priest.

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    Replies
    1. It's meant to be funny, but it's also meant to be useful, too.

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  3. I might feel another tale from Giancarlo coming on...

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    1. 5. Halting woman in an ill-fitting mask will soon be dramatized as The Masque of Faith. Giancarlo's tale is scheduled to go up on thursday.

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    2. And here it is. The Masque of Faith, the longest and most somber Giancarlo tale yet.

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  4. Reminds me of Monty Python's Black Knight, reduced to a stump and saying, "All right, we'll call it a draw."

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    Replies
    1. I was actually thinking of Highlander, and then afterward the Black Knight connection became apparent.

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    2. 7. Throws whatever's at hand at you: seat cushions, sticks, silverware, small rocks, pieces of bread, &c.

      This could be the Jackie Chan school of dueling. Or like those wuxia fighters who specialize in using household objects like Mah Jongg tiles, chopsticks, combs, abacuses... (abaci?)

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  5. Absolutely using #19. Thanks for the chuckle!

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  6. I would love to play in a Princess Bride-inspired game!

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